Ok, first of all, FU to blogger to making it so freaking hard for me to get to this page, just because I made a new email account with my "new" last name. The one I've had for over a year. For some stupid reason, I can't figure out how to add myself (as the new address) as a contributer to the blog. And as I was writing that, it just signed me out of my "new" email address (that I've been using for several months, text me or something if you want it but don't have it) and automatically signed me into my old one. *bangs head into wall* I might just give up on this blog and start a whole new one.
Also- mac people- is there any way to right click with the mouse pad on the computer? I got the actual mouse set up to right click, but then it died, so I only have the touch pad mouse thingie, and being able to right click is very helpful when writing cuz then I can fix spelling errors easily. So, you know, sorry for all the errors in this one, I may go back and fix them, but I may not. I'm sure you wont think of less me.
Today is April 18, 2013. It is supposed to mark the end of my pregnancy. It's only 10:30, so it still could. There's still plenty of time for today to be my son's birthday. The thing is though, it somehow never really occurred to me that I'd still be pregnant today. I mean sure, I said that I knew I could be late going into labor. Rationally, I knew that the whole "due date" thing is just the middle of the time when babies normally come, so it's not like it's some hard and fast rule. I knew that lots of people go into labor a few days, or even weeks after this day. And yet, in the back of my mind, I always knew that none of those silly little "facts" were relevant and that I'd give birth early! That by today not only would I already have a baby, I'd probably already be home. It still scares me too that everytime I look in the mirror, I swear my stomach is bigger. He can't seriously still be gaining weight, can he? At my last 5 or so doctor's appointments either the doctor or the nurse has commented on how I'm "all belly," and really, I feel like I am. Not just how they meant it (one went on to clarify that my pregnant body looks pretty much like a normal, not pregnant body, except for the belly and the baby and not much else is different), but like I'm seriously all belly. There's nothing else. Just this giant stomach with this squirming and kicking and hiccuping person inside of it.
So I've been walking a lot. Even when I'm not walking around the block, or to go "check the mail" for the 5th time, despite the fact that I got the mail the first time, I'm pacing. I'm wandering around the house. I'm investigating every leaf on my cilantro and basil plants (and cursing the existance of white flies, which technically, btw, aren't even flies, and are immune to even the strongest pesticides, and really like to kill all my plants because they're evil bastards and I hate them) and talking to the lizards that live around our house. I'm drinking a ton of water, because that's what you're supposed to do, and the bathrooms are upstairs, so that makes me have to walk up and down the stairs a few dozen times a day, and I figure, that's good for me, right? Loosen up my pelvis or something? Everyone says that he'll come when he's ready, but that seems silly to me. It's not him who we're waiting for, it's my uterus! So it's my fault that I'm still pregnant! Ugh.
I also feel like I've become really, really boring. For the last several months my life has been all about waiting for this new life to be born, and not much else. It's been over a year since I've had a job. I don't see myself getting one anytime soon either. I'd like to go back to work, I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't, but we'll see. Right now, living here, it's not really an option. I'm kinda hoping that once I have a baby, I wont want to work so badly. I do have a friend here with a toddler (15 months, that counts as a toddler, right?), but lately it's kinda too hard to hang out with her, since it's so hard for me to move, or be more than 10 feet away from the bathroom at any given time. And I can't really go anywhere, because I need to be ready to go to the hospital on a moments notice. Well, probably not a moment's notice, I'll probably have several hours of notice, but I'd rather spend those hours at home with my husband and my cats and my comfy couch and bed.
I can say with a fair amount of certainty that though, that the next time I update this (or give up and make a new blog), I'll be a mother. Which is such a scary thought.... Maybe it's ok that he's taking his time...
Also- mac people- is there any way to right click with the mouse pad on the computer? I got the actual mouse set up to right click, but then it died, so I only have the touch pad mouse thingie, and being able to right click is very helpful when writing cuz then I can fix spelling errors easily. So, you know, sorry for all the errors in this one, I may go back and fix them, but I may not. I'm sure you wont think of less me.
Today is April 18, 2013. It is supposed to mark the end of my pregnancy. It's only 10:30, so it still could. There's still plenty of time for today to be my son's birthday. The thing is though, it somehow never really occurred to me that I'd still be pregnant today. I mean sure, I said that I knew I could be late going into labor. Rationally, I knew that the whole "due date" thing is just the middle of the time when babies normally come, so it's not like it's some hard and fast rule. I knew that lots of people go into labor a few days, or even weeks after this day. And yet, in the back of my mind, I always knew that none of those silly little "facts" were relevant and that I'd give birth early! That by today not only would I already have a baby, I'd probably already be home. It still scares me too that everytime I look in the mirror, I swear my stomach is bigger. He can't seriously still be gaining weight, can he? At my last 5 or so doctor's appointments either the doctor or the nurse has commented on how I'm "all belly," and really, I feel like I am. Not just how they meant it (one went on to clarify that my pregnant body looks pretty much like a normal, not pregnant body, except for the belly and the baby and not much else is different), but like I'm seriously all belly. There's nothing else. Just this giant stomach with this squirming and kicking and hiccuping person inside of it.
So I've been walking a lot. Even when I'm not walking around the block, or to go "check the mail" for the 5th time, despite the fact that I got the mail the first time, I'm pacing. I'm wandering around the house. I'm investigating every leaf on my cilantro and basil plants (and cursing the existance of white flies, which technically, btw, aren't even flies, and are immune to even the strongest pesticides, and really like to kill all my plants because they're evil bastards and I hate them) and talking to the lizards that live around our house. I'm drinking a ton of water, because that's what you're supposed to do, and the bathrooms are upstairs, so that makes me have to walk up and down the stairs a few dozen times a day, and I figure, that's good for me, right? Loosen up my pelvis or something? Everyone says that he'll come when he's ready, but that seems silly to me. It's not him who we're waiting for, it's my uterus! So it's my fault that I'm still pregnant! Ugh.
I also feel like I've become really, really boring. For the last several months my life has been all about waiting for this new life to be born, and not much else. It's been over a year since I've had a job. I don't see myself getting one anytime soon either. I'd like to go back to work, I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't, but we'll see. Right now, living here, it's not really an option. I'm kinda hoping that once I have a baby, I wont want to work so badly. I do have a friend here with a toddler (15 months, that counts as a toddler, right?), but lately it's kinda too hard to hang out with her, since it's so hard for me to move, or be more than 10 feet away from the bathroom at any given time. And I can't really go anywhere, because I need to be ready to go to the hospital on a moments notice. Well, probably not a moment's notice, I'll probably have several hours of notice, but I'd rather spend those hours at home with my husband and my cats and my comfy couch and bed.
I can say with a fair amount of certainty that though, that the next time I update this (or give up and make a new blog), I'll be a mother. Which is such a scary thought.... Maybe it's ok that he's taking his time...
1 comment:
And now when I am reading this, you are a mother! Amazing isn't it?
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