Easy baby vs. crying baby

I do not have an easy baby. I was soo hoping I would, and at times, he's great.  Like whenever there's someone here to help.  The week Mom and Dad were here? Perfect happy angel! Ok, true, the first day my grandmother was here he definitely wasn't on his best behavior, but generally, he's good.  When it's just us? I should post a picture of all the scratches he's given me while completely hysterical. He now spends more than half his waking hours crying (and the other half on the verge of tears), and only naps in the morning.  I find myself looking at him, more than a little scared, like a ticking time bomb, ready to go off at any moment. We take turns walking around with him, patting his back, whispering soothing words in his ear, while the other person tries to eat or sit down or go to the bathroom.  When he's crying because he's hungry or has a dirty diaper or even just because he's not in the exact position he wants to be, it's ok.  We know there's a reason, and even if the solution is something we can't do (like hold him over our shoulder with one arm and pat his back with our other, while pacing the living room, for hours), we understand.  But when we have no idea? Or he's just tired? God, that is so frustrating!! All we want is for him to be happy, and when we can't make him happy (or at least quiet, let's be honest, when we're ready for bed we start feeling a little selfish and we just want him to Be Quiet!), it's heartbreaking!

But before you get all worried about me feeling overwhelmed or something, let me assuage your concerns! Because all that, all the crying and frustrations and lack of sleep, it's all ok.  He makes it ok everytime he looks up at me and his whole body lights up in a huge smile.  I say body, because seriously, he manages to smile with his toes. He can't talk yet, he can't even really laugh, but when he smiles like that he's so clearly saying "Mom! You are the most amazing person ever and you make me so happy! I love you!" And thats just about the best feeling ever.  Even when he's crying he's telling me how much he loves me.  Well, sometimes anyway.  Not so much when he's flipping out and is ll tense and scratching me, but when he's on my shoulder and is gripping my arm like it's the only thing he needs, I like that. It feels like even though he's upset, he's relying on me and trusts that I'll make it better.  Or right now! You'll have to forgive the typos, because I'm typing this one handed. In the other hand, all curled up and sweet, is a napping baby.  The hard moments make the good ones all the more sweeter and appreciated.

Like I said, he is not an easy baby, and I really hope my next one is easier (all this practice soothing a crying baby has to be good for something, right?), but I wouldn't change him for anything!  Even if I am awfully hungry right now, but there's no way i'm gonna disturb him to get some food...